Women do not understand male masturbation

First off, let me clarify that I do not mean all women, certainly there are girls out there that have taken the time to truly listen and understand all the dynamics about men jerking off, however I have not met any. So when I say women do not understand, I mean a majority of the women I have talked to about it simply do not understand male masturbation.

Why do men with lovers masturbate?
Why do men with lovers masturbate?

Why are women so confused about why men masturbate so much? Because there are many reasons, and I think a lot of women assume there is only one reason to jerk off, therefor many woman get upset when they find their boyfriend or husband masturbates. If you could set aside your emotions for ten minutes and listen to reason, I am going to clue you in on a few things about guys jerking off, or wanking as they say in the UK.

I have heard from many girls who are upset that their man was flogging the dolphin, they were upset, and some were downright angry. The had all kinds of questions like:

  • “Why would he masturbate when he could be having sex with me?”
  • “Why does he masturbate so much”
  • “What’s wrong with me, why does he have to jerk off?”
  • “He makes time for porn videos and dirty mags but no me, what gives?”

Well, I am not sure that I can cover every detail of this complex issue, but I do want to raise some awareness about it and give you all some insight and clues.

Why would a guy masturbate when he could be having sex with his wife or girlfriend? Well there are many reasons.

We masturbate for different reasons at different times. I think many women believe that guys choke the chicken because they are horny, and logic would say in a woman’s mind, if you are horny, then come flirt with us and let’s have sex. Well, it’s no where near that simple.

It’s a time issue – and so are you

Sometimes we want to cum just to relieve stress, and doing a quick “flute solo” can bring stress relief fast. It’s also a great way to prepare for sleep, as it can make you more tired. Now before you get defensive or start arguing and telling me that having sex with a girl can achieve those goals, I

Cock Time
Cock Time

know, you are right, but that is not the entire equation. It gets more complicated than that. Men are logical thinkers, and the decision to get off by ourselves is like a complex algebra equation.

When time is of the essence, like when we need to get to sleep soon, or we have a few minutes break to relieve stress, or there is something stressful coming up and we need quick relaxation, masturbation is one of the quickest and most efficient answers. Having sex with your gf or wifey is normally not one of the quickest answers.

Understand that there has been a lot of programming in the media about women needing lots of foreplay and, and deserving loving passionate love making. It’s a man’s job to satisfy his woman, which can take time. When it comes to sex men are under pressure to perform, and to hold back their pleasure to make sure that the woman gets hers first. I believe Dr. Ruth and Sue Johanson both say that the man should finish the job, even if he cums first, he should take the time to “manually stimulate” or “orally stimulate” the female to orgasm. Now I love to finger fuck and eat pussy quite a bit, but doing that after ejaculating is not easy. With all that pressure and expectation, it is definitely faster and easier to just stroke the cock myself, dry off, and get back to work or sleep or whatever else is on the agenda.

Now there can be exceptions to this, in a perfect world a man could grab his girl at any time of the day and say “hey I need to get a nut real quick!” – and then his girl could offer some pussy, or a blowjob, or even to strip and give a little show while he jerks off. Perhaps it would help make it faster if our girl would kiss the nick and whisper dirty thoughts in our ear to help make it faster. I am willing to bet most people do not feel that they have this option in their relationship, and even if you did, having access to your girl 24/7 is pretty rare as well.

Relationship expert John Gray says in one of his books that it would be beneficial to the relationship if quickie sex was on option, basically if the girl would let the guy just stick it in and fuck her for a couple minutes to get off once in a while. He said this would be nice for the man, and the man should reciprocate with giving loving passionate sex with lots of foreplay several times a month – to have a balance of both options. I agree, unfortunately as I mentioned before, even with that option in the relationship, you rarely have access to your woman 24/7, so masturbation is still an option that wins often.

Jerking off can get fantasies off the mind

outrageous sex fantasy
outrageous sex fantasy

Yeah, I know, your wife or girlfriend should be our ultimate fantasy. Well my current GF is, but there are still some dirty things that I want to spank the monkey to, that I don’t want to or can’t do with her. Masturbating to a dirty fantasy gets it off the mind, and allows us to go about our day without wasting more time on it. If we couldn’t jack off, we might be out trying find sexual encounters that we not health to our relationships or ourselves.

I would not trade my girlfriend for Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Danika Patrick, or any other celebrity or porn star. Seriously, I wouldn’t, I love my girl, and she really is what I have been looking for my entire life. However, I might have a fantasy of having ass to mouth anal group sex with the above mentioned celebrities, combined with a gangbang on Sasha Grey. Playing with the dick, getting it our of the system, and back to the real world in under 5 minutes. That gets the idea out of the head, and does it safely. No STD’s, no wasting time trying make a threesome or gangbang happen.

woman gangbanged
woman gangbanged

We could fantasize about all kinds of dirty things. In one episode of the Sopranos Melfy asked “Why don’t you do those thing with your wife? (instead of with a mistress” – Tony said – are you kiddin’ she kisses my kids with that mouth. Something like that. A2m and group sex are two examples of things that guys may enjoy jerking off to, but may not want to really do in real life, and even if we did, probably not with the wife or gf.

We can usually do it faster, and in some ways better

We have dicks for a long time, and we have had a lot of time practice. We have had the time to hone the skills of manually manipulating our penis to achieve maximum pleasure in the shortest amount of time. We have had to train our mind and body for efficient sexual gratification. There is no way you can jerk off the cock better than we can. Even if you knew every hand-job trick in the book, you have to realize that all men have slightly different techniques and amount of pressure in different places at certain times in the process that brings them to their unique pleasure perfection. You can not be expected to stroke cock better than we can.


Many aspect of the dick stroking becomes subconscious, we don’t have to consciously think “Too intense, need to lighten index finger pressure near head of penis” – it just happens, and quickly. There is no need for us to think, hey, I am in the last stage before lift-off, I am going to need to push down harder toward the base. It just happens. Even if you could read our minds, you could not adjust your hand and fingers in precisely the right place at the right time to provide the most efficient hand job.

There is a taboo to it – makes the heart and blood run faster

Masturbation is kind of taboo. Yeah, we know most everyone does it, but rarely does anyone talk about it, or do it in front of anybody. Getting caught masturbating is a serious anxiety issue for most people. You learn at an early age to keep it quiet, and make it quick. If there are other people in the house, or at work, or in the car coming up behind you, it makes your heart beat faster. This trains your body and mind to make it exciting, and make it quicker.

This rush feeling of hurried excitement combined with sexual arousal is intense sometimes. Achieving orgasm is a serious release for a man, and when that huge release and relaxation comes after a hurried, intense, heart racing worry of getting caught, it’s incredible. I’m not sure a woman will ever understand how relaxing, how much energy ejaculating instantly sucks out of your body. Imagine, something like an epideral maybe? Or when a pain pill kicks in, that feeling of woomph – whoa – total relaxation and energy drain. Well that feels good, and it feels especially good right after high heart rate excitement.

What can ya do huh?

There are many more reasons that men play with themselves, but this post is already getting long, so I am hoping that this helps you understand that a guy getting himself off has nothing to do with a lack of desire for you. If you understand there are different reasons for different times, maybe you won’t get upset, angry or judgmental and perhaps find some ways to accommodate these issues if you really want to be more involved.

As I mentioned above, time is an issue sometimes. Perhaps you can communicate with your partner that you would be willing to help him get off with no “return the favor strings attached” if he felt the need to get a quick nut. There are many ways you can help make it even faster! There are things that men enjoy that are near impossible to do by ourselves, if you lend a hand, or a tongue, or whisper – that would make it even better and quicker.

My girlfriend recently inquired about me watching porn and jerking off, and she said she might like to be involved if she was home. So we tried that out, and it was awesome! We watched some porn together, and she sucked my cock while I clicked through some videos. We talked about some of the porn, and she chimed in with stuff that she liked and didn’t like. We have now found a few genres of porn we can enjoy together. She has also offered to help me cum if I need to quickly.

Just because we can stroke our own dicks better than anyone else, doesn’t mean the sex is better by ourselves. We can’t lick our own necks, and tossing your own salad is something that I think very few men could ever do. There are many things that women can do that make an orgasm a hundred times better than just a hand job.

So don’t be threatened by your guy’s beating off, it’s natural. It has nothing to do with a lack of desire for you. Take some of the pressure off your man, and he should reciprocate with more pleasure for you.

This post, text and information is copyright 2010 by Steve – All original – All rights reserved.

5 thoughts on “Women do not understand male masturbation”

  1. does masturbation really cause blindness??

    saw this on some post the other day…i don’t see the bond, but you never know 🙂

    maybe that’s why i wear glasses jajaja 😀

  2. I like this post, it kinda got me off. I understand and agree to most of it, however I don’t particularly agree to the “women don’t understand the feeling of relaxation and energy drain” bit. Baby, I play with myself, and my orgasms last a good few seconds longer than yours as a fact, so trust me, any woman who is in touch enough with her body knows what you’re talking about, (: especially the whole being quiet and nervousness of getting caught thing! Because for some damn reason it’s even more taboo for a woman to play with herself, >< so don't play our masturbation off as second rate, because we do understand, and it is AH-MAZE-ZING!

    Thank you x

  3. I love this post. It was intellectually stimulating, and honestly I had to go get my “vibrating friend” out of my underwear drawer after reading it. I masturbate more than my fiance, but we both look at dirty pictures. Girls are insecure guys. No big shocker there, but society has created a “look” for what is beautiful that only 5% of the female world population fits into. So it’s not completly OUR fault that we feel this way.
    But as for me, I’d be really turned-on if I walked in on my man beating his dick. That’s one of my fantasies 🙂

    1. Thanks for all the comments.I am often told that I have managed to find only women of an incredibly rare type over the last ten years and more. Apparently no one else has the same experience of talking to women about sex.I am very happy to believe that women are sexual, interested in sex and enthusiastic about sex. It’s just that none of these women is willing to discuss their experiences in detail.So far they all prefer to make comments full of bravado but it is not clear that they even know what orgasm is because they are not willing to explain how they achieve it.I have been talking to women in everyday life very different to surveys of women who want to publicize their sexual experiences. This website has also had 50-100 visitors a day for over a year now but so far very few women are willing to be specific.A couple of women have been hugely defensive and have insisted that women enjoy sex as much as men do. They have no answers for why women rarely masturbate, rarely use pornography and rarely pay for sex. Some suggest that women are repressed (by men) and others that women don’t have as much money as men (for a porn mag ?). Often when women say that they enjoy sex, they then talk about love. They seem confused when I ask about sexual arousal and orgasm. One woman thought it was a trick question. I’m simply saying if sex is so good then what is good is it just love’ or is there something more?If there is something more (e.g. true sexual arousal), why all the secrecy and embarrassment? Why not share the techniques that women use for orgasm? I’m just pointing out that women don’t talk about these things because they are not confident of their experiences of sexual arousal and orgasm.Please direct all the sexually confident women you know to my website or to this discussion. So far, no woman has been able to explain how she achieves sexual arousal with a lover.Women do not become aroused enough for orgasm by simply looking at the naked male body. If they did, they would buy porn mags (these are available because male homosexual porn is full of male genitals).

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