When I see a headline like “Sex mistakes women make – and there are women in the thumbnail pic, I can’t help myself, I have to click to see. I have been disappointed in the past with some of the little video clips from the “Let’s talk about love series” that yahoo and Niecy Nash have released – but it’s been more about the headline stating something big, yet the content is simple, and just a few opinions instead of some of the more wider known facts. Well this recent video where Mrs. Nash brings up some of the bigger mistakes that many women make when it comes to sexual activity is spot on.
It’s not an all encompassing encyclopedia of every thing that a women can do better in bed, yahoo only allows a few minutes for each of these clips they release each week, but it’s some good things that women should discuss more. Of the things mentioned in this little video clip, there are two that really stand out in my mind. Of course the others are good things to consider, and there are many more things that could be brought up to help women who sabotage their partner pleasing them – but here are some good ones to focus on for sure.
thinking guys are always ready – One girl where hearing this actually says something like “If he’s not ready the minute she wants him to be it turns her off.”
It is mentioned in the video that younger guys tend to be hard and horny pretty much 24/7 and they might be ready at any moment the woman wants to get some dick – and as to where that may be generally true, it’s not always true. Sure there is something about physical things with younger men as compared to older men – but there are psychological things that more mature men are having to contend with that most 18 year old guys are not having to deal with as well.
I am sure anyone watching TV the past year has seen commercials about the amount of testosterone that men at age 40 produce compared to men at 18 years old – so sure there are some physical things with hormones to be considered. However just as important as that, more mature men have many other things on their mind – mental issues like worrying about bills, health issues, family, career problems, home repairs, politics – I could list hundreds of things the average 18 year old is probably not too stressed out about, and therefore is able to put sex at the forefront of his thinking.
Older men are more likely to have more emotional issues to contend with as well. Compare heart ache and disappointments in the lifetime of a 40 year old man with that of an 18 year old. Sure the 18 year may think the whole world has come to an end if he recently broke up with the “love of his life” – I do believe that older guys have had many more emotional issues to deal with and they tend to build up. Imagine Peggy Hill trying to get Hank Hill to give up as cock the same day the family dog dies – it’s a totally different emotional state for more mature men.
I think we also have to consider the amount of sex that the average 18 year old has had compared to the average 36 year old man as well. At 18, not only are your hormones raging, but the thought of a sexual experience has all kinds of possibilities attached to it. Even if you were a total slut up till 18, I think people still will have a lot of experimentation that they are very excited about possibly occurring with the next sexual encounter. Now for some men at 36 this could still be the case, but I think a majority of older men have either already experimented with all kinds of “freak things” – or they are with a partner where they do not have an expectation that there is the chance for some salad tossing, reverse blowjob foreplay before upside down, piledriver anal with gaping views with some ass to mouth dick cleaning leading up to some begging for an anal creampie.
Now certainly this is not the case in every relationship. Surely there are men out there that may be 40 year old virgins, and the possibility of sex will have them aroused before you can finish the sentence “you wanna fuck”. I also imagine that there are some people in the world who are older and who still engage in some freaky porno like fuck sessions, even if they have been in a relationship for some years. I am just throwing a few things out there for women to consider when it comes to the thought process of “If he’s not ready the minute I want it, then I am turned off” – hey, guess what? Guys would love it for you to be ready and dripping wet the very minute that we decide we want to fuck – however for years it has been said that women deserve foreplay and warm up time, well what’s good for the goose may actually be good for the gander.
Guys should have a cock that is always ready, yet only used when the girl wants it. Like a robot cock dildo machine that is always warm, never needs batteries, and is owned by it’s sex master. Sounds like an invention of the future.
guys may need guidance – how your party works
One girl in this video slumber party jokes – “does a guy really need a GPS?”. Does she need to left him to turn left. Another girl mentions that she tried telling her guy what she wanted and got mad and basically accused her of trying to dominate him during sex.
Seriously, each and every girl I have had carnal pleasure with is a little bit different. Basic anatomy is a little different with each woman, and where, when, and how hard or how soft, or which order she likes to feel sensation is a bit different as well. Not every girl has a playboy vulva, not every woman has the same sized clitoris, and they seem to need different amounts of pressure not just between different girls, but at different times. Not every woman I have been with wants the slow sensual, passionate, lovemaking that Cosmo and so many other pundits have been screaming for so many years either.
Some woman do enjoy slow and sensual sex, and some prefer hard and rough fucking. Some girls want to be grabbed and fucked hard while getting their hair pulled – but only sometimes. Some woman really get off on having nipples pinched or even clamped with various devices, and some are sensitive and prefer full boob massage and caressing. Some women want the slow caressing for a time, and then when they are ready for some anal then they want the nipples pinched. A little guidance now and then would go a long way when it comes to getting what you want in bed.
Now it doesn’t have to be a turn by turn GPS guidance, or a step by step how to written in lipstick on the mirror above the bed either. There are many ways to communicate what you want and when. Depending on your relationship status, it may be worth having some conversations outside the bedroom about the things you would enjoy more, however there are plenty of ways to guide your partner in the bedroom as well.
I will get into some advanced techniques for couples in an upcoming book. For those who are in established long term relationships there are all kinds of before the clothes come off cues that can be given non-verbally about the type of sex you may be in the mood for. Subtle flirting or acting like a bad girl might tell your man that you are in the mood or some rough play. Lighting a candle and having some lingerie on may be your signal that you want to caressed and taken slowly.
For the woman who is concerned her giving directions will be taken the wrong way, think of more subtle ways or directing your man, and have some consideration about the male ego. You could say “eat my pussy” – and that may work and be fine with some people in some situations, however there are other ways of getting some cunnilingus without coming off as giving a direct, domineering order. Perhaps something like “Oh baby you are getting me so wet, will you taste me? I love it when your tongue slides between my lips.” Now that caters to the male ego, it doesn’t come off as telling him what to do and when, and it gives him a chance to consider if he will or will not at that moment.
Let’s say you’ve got your man going downtown but it frustrating, he’s not going exactly where you want him to go, and he;s going too fast or too slow or whatever. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes a man and woman are in synch, and he knows how to get you off, yet is teasing you – but for the most part when this situation arises, believe me, it is more frustrating for the man and than it is the woman. After a few minutes of using those tongue muscles, it becomes some serious work. We want to give you the ultimate pleasure, but without a guide, we are just going to be trying one way, then trying another, and hoping that we will get to the sweet spot in the jungle – unfortunately a little guidance would save both of you time and be more enjoyable in most circumstances.
Now there are really subtle ways to communicate about what is working for you, and sometimes more direct guidance is necessary. I suggest a woman use her ooohs and aaaahs as signals that he is in the right place. Use your mmmmmms for those times when it’s okay, but not great. When he switches to a better spot or adds the right pressure then get a little louder with your ooohs and aaaahs. Sometimes that all it takes to give the directions that are needed to get you off. Sometimes you need to be more direct, and using a combination approach is often just the right way to get is perfect.
If your man is going down on you and you want a finger inserted, ask for it. If your man is going too hard too soon for you, rather than say “You are doing it too hard” (which may hurt the ego and make the guy start thinking all kinds of things) – say “Oh baby softer, I am so sensitive right, go soft and easy”. When you are ready for him to change position but he is not getting your subtle cues, you can certainly move your hips a little and that may guide him to your sweet spot, and if that doesn’t work, most men will not mind you grabbing their head and pulling it up or pushing it down some. When you want it harder give him some encouragement first – something like “You are driving me wild, give to me a little harder”, or a little faster or whatever. I suggest always putting that “little” in the harder and faster; as it’s easy to get a direction of harder and just go full force which may set both of you up for failure on what you were trying to achieve. You can always ask several times for a little harder, it’s not so easy to go from soft to full on hardcore then ask to back down – and if you jump and push away after getting it harder – well that is confusing, because your asked for it! (That’s what a guy is thinking) – so ask for a little harder, a little faster, and you’ll get to where you want to go, without bruising an ego, and without commanding – you are asking.
I could write about this stuff for days – and probably will, but put it into a book. For now I hope these few examples give you some ideas how to re-word or re-work the way you ask for the kind of sex that you desire most. Guys really appreciate some help in this area, as there is no one class you can take that will teach you step by step how to please each and every woman. A guy that is use to a woman who likes things hard and fast may be a disappointment to a woman who prefers slow and sensual – if that’s all they have been trained for in the past, then it’s going to be time for some new learning. Most guys really enjoy an immense about of satisfaction knowing that their partner has had an orgasm (or multiple orgasms) – so it is truly our pleasure to give it to you that way you want it – and once you have given some guidance, the next time it will be easier for both of you.